When her manga (this manga) gets popular on pixiv, her locus of self-esteem transfers from her parents’ opinion of her to her fans’ opinion of her. The thing that made the ending not-so-satisfactory for me is that she still has an external locus of self-esteem.
In two frames near the end she shows how “die” was always an option for her at every crossroads, and how it feels like that option is grayed out when she finds a purpose in life. She also has depression and her insights on that are pretty accurate. It’s kind of like dieting where the more you think about not eating a fudge sundae, the more you want one… Trich has that Catch-22 of where the more shame you feel about it, the more you engage in that behavior as you try to calm yourself, and the more you pull, the more shame you feel, the more you pull… and on and on forever until you decide to just let it go. This is actually the first time I’ve ever seen trich mentioned in a book, so that was super exciting for me! And she seems to deal with it in the same way, by trying not to think about it. I have a lot of the same mental issues as the main character does, including trichotillomania (compulsive hair-pulling). My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness is embarrassingly relatable.
Still, it’s a great book, and worth reading, though it might be more triggering than therapeutic for some people (If you’re looking for something more therapeutic, I’d suggest You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. It can be a little jarring for the reader to have everything thrown at them at once. Nagata Kabi doesn’t hold back anything in this book. The comic is monochrome with pink accents that highlight the intimacy of the narrative while appealing to the reader’s sense of cuteness. The graphic novel starts with this scene, then goes back and fills in all the events leading up to it, and ends a little bit past that scene with some insights and take-aways that the protagonist learned from her experience. Driven to the end of her wits, the protagonist decides to call a female prostitute. My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness is a graphic novel memoir about a woman in her late 20s whose life is stymied by clinical depression, sexual repression, and her parents’ and society’s expectations. Warning: This book may trigger those with depression and other mental illnesses.
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